It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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