and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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