you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
