party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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