I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
