I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
