You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
