I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
