WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
