I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
