So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
