Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
