I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize