if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
