i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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