I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
