Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
