The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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