this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
