On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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