Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
