I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
me + whiskey = a bad person
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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