I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
