you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize