is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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