I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
