He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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