Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
