What a fucking waste of an outfit
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
