Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
