Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
