I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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