Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
