you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
