Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
