Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
