She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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