So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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