You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
