hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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