Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
