I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
