3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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