Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Floor bacon is actually really good
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize