the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
