My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
