Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
