that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
