so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
