i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
