Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
