I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
