the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
