Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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