East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
smell my finger.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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