Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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