you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
