if i can run in heels then i can drive
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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