She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
