I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
