All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
