he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
