We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
