your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
