Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
