guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
