i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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