So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
