My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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