Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
