Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
