So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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