You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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